Hallowed Destiny Read online

  I started to speak, but he held his hand up to silence me. “I can see the trauma you felt when you tried to have sex. I can put a suggestion into your head, so you’ll feel comfortable with the act next time, but Zeke was insistent I get your permission before doing so.”

  Zeke tensed beside me, but I didn’t look at him. I stayed focused on Abbott. “Zeke was right. Enough has been done to my head without my consent. I’d really rather you just get rid of whatever you did, so I can have my memories back. I trust Zeke. I won’t freak out on him.” I was mortified at having to admit to everyone in the room I intended to lose my virginity to Zeke, but it just kind of came out.

  No one made a big deal of it, though. It was as if they already knew. And, with Abbott in my head, he likely did. I resisted the urge to hide my face in my hands, but then realized maybe I was squeezing Zeke’s hand too hard, so I let up a little.

  “Very well,” said Abbott. “I can hold you while I do it, or you can opt to let someone else hold you. I don’t recommend you try to take this in without emotional support from someone, though.”

  I looked at Zeke, hoping he’d offer to hold me. The next thing I knew, I was in his lap, cradled in his arms.

  “I have you, Teeny. Always.”

  I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest, but then tensed as I heard Abbott inside my head. I’ll walk you through this as I release them to you. You don’t have to speak aloud. I can hear your thoughts. If you want Zeke to know what you’re saying, it’s okay if you speak. Or, I can bring him in with us, so he can see and hear what’s happening in your head.

  I considered his offer, but shook my head and thought, No. Thoughts are supposed to be private. I don’t think I want him in my head.

  Okay. I didn’t alter your memories of most of the abduction. I just removed the portion that would’ve told you they weren’t human.

  Abbott gave my memories back to me a little at a time, and talked me through them as we came to them. Somehow, he made it so I was seeing them as if on a movie screen, instead of experiencing it all over again. It helped, but it was still hard. I’d never been naked in front of anyone before that night. Not since I was in diapers, anyway. My mom never even let the doctor see me in any form of undress. These vampires stripped me down to nothing, and looked at me there to make sure I was still intact in all ways. Apparently, you can be a virgin and not have a hymen, and they had to make sure it was still blocking the way. They hadn’t raped me, but they’d pawed my breasts and handled my private parts. They’d sliced through my skin with their horrid claws, burned marks into my thighs, and coated themselves in my blood. I hadn’t remembered them burning my thighs, but it made sense. The scars were different. More pronounced.

  And through it all, Abbott reminded me this had happened over a year ago, and I was safe in Zeke’s lap, and he told me how strong I am.

  And I was right about Kirsten — my therapist had helped rescue me, and had moved us out of the way during the worst of the fighting.

  I hadn’t rescued myself. I’d known it, deep down, and I was relieved to finally not have the dichotomy of what I remembered versus what I knew to be true.

  When we finally reached the end, I was a sweaty, sobbing mess. Aaron and Nathan had left, I guess to give us some privacy. It took me a few minutes to reorient myself, and it suddenly felt wrong for Abbott to be across the room. He’d walked me through something so painful, so embarrassing, so unbearably, devastatingly humiliating. And yet, he’d done it in the kindest way possible.

  He gave me a gentle smile. “I can sit with you if I won’t scare you. I believe Nathan and Aaron have made you a peanut butter and jam sandwich, which your mind tells me is your comfort food.”

  “Your powers terrify me, but you’ve earned my trust,” I told him, and then what he’d said about my favorite comfort food sunk in. “You told them about the peanut butter and jam thing?”

  He nodded. “You’re in luck, because Aaron’s wife happens to like organic grape jam, made without any extra sugar.”

  Chapter 7

  Zeke

  * * *

  I scented every emotion Destiny went through as she got her memories back. I didn’t have to see or hear anything to know what she was going through, and it broke my heart. Abbott can be cruel, but he can also be gentle, and her scent told me he was doing what he could to soften the impact of the memories.

  By the time Nathan drove us home, Destiny was so far beyond exhausted I wished she’d give up and go to sleep. I wouldn’t have minded carrying her inside, but she seemed set on remaining upright and speaking.

  Her parents thought she was out of town for the weekend, staying with a friend who’s attending UT in Knoxville.

  Abbott had hinted at the fact she’s in danger now because she’s once again broadcasting her virgin status to those who can pick up on such things. Abbott tells me it isn’t just that she’s physically still a virgin, but she’s also never had an orgasm. As far as he can tell, there’s been no insertion of anything other than a tampon, and only that a few times because her parents forbid her from using them. She hadn’t been allowed to swim when she was on her period.

  Until she lost her virginity, she’d have to be protected by a strong supernatural capable of fighting off Celrau and demonkind. I’d told him if she was ready for sex this weekend I’d do it, but I wouldn’t push for it. I hated having to do it on a timetable, and I was only considering it because I’d originally looked at this general time frame before I’d known about the urgency.

  Nothing would happen tonight, though. She was exhausted.

  When I walked her to the guest bedroom, I smelled fear.

  “Nothing will hurt you in my home, Teeny.”

  She nodded, but her fear didn’t abate, and I pulled her into my arms.

  “There’s a sofa in your room. Do you think I can sleep on it?” she asked.

  I kissed the top of her head. “You can sleep in my bed, Teeny. Nothing will happen, but I need you to know you’re safe.”

  I’d pushed her away last year because she was seventeen, and I’ve kept from so much as kissing her over the past month because I wanted the two of us to form a relationship apart from the one where I’d taken care of her last year. We’ve gone hiking, we’ve rollerbladed on the Riverwalk, we went to a trampoline park, and we’ve just sat on a cliff overlooking the city and talked. We’ve joked while eating lunch, and we’ve talked on the phone until the early morning hours. We’re no longer victim and protector. We’re friends who are attracted to each other, but who knows where things might go?

  Also, I’d really wanted her to get her memories back before we started a relationship. I’d known what happened to her when she didn’t. It hadn’t felt right.

  Now, however, she knew it all. The only barrier left was whether she could be comfortable with me if we took things to the next level. I had no doubt she could handle intimacy because I’ve held her in my arms enough to know she has no qualms about being close to me. She’s an expert cuddler.

  Sex is a different kind of intimacy, and I worried about how I should approach it. What could I do to help put her at ease? I’d run a million scenarios through my head, but in the end I’d just have to play it by ear.

  She’d brought clothes and I knew she’d have pajamas, but my lion wanted her to smell like us. I gave her one of my shirts as I asked, “Can you wear this tonight, please?”

  She nodded without saying anything, and went into my master bathroom and closed the door.

  I stripped down to my boxer briefs, but then changed my mind and took them off to put loose boxers on. I usually sleep nude, so boxers would be more comfortable. I turned the lights off and got under the covers to wait for her.

  I frowned when I heard the shower turn on. I’d told her nothing was going to happen — had she not believed me?

  I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She hadn’t locked the door, and I let myself in. The shower is towards the back of the room, and I s
tayed by the door to give her privacy.

  “You don’t have to shower before bed, Teeny. We’re just sleeping tonight. You’re exhausted.”

  “But you can smell better than a human, and I got all sweaty when I was crying.”

  I couldn’t help but smile as I said, “Okay. I’ll be in bed when you finish. We’re just sleeping tonight. No stress.”

  Destiny

  * * *

  He hadn’t been joking about just sleeping. He’d held me through the night, but he hadn’t tried anything at all. He hadn’t even kissed me yet. Not a real one. He’d kissed the top of my head, and my forehead. Once he’d kissed the tip of my nose and my stomach had done backflips. I couldn’t imagine what an actual kiss might do to me.

  Still, having his arm over me, caressing me as I drifted off to sleep, made all the difference. Now that I remembered the Celrau in detail, I was terrified of them.

  Sometime during the night he’d turned the bathroom light on and left the door open a tiny bit. He’d also put a bottle of water on my nightstand. The clock on his side of the bed told me it wasn’t even five in the morning yet, but I needed to pee something fierce.

  He has a wall of frosted glass in his bathroom to let light in while preserving privacy. No one can see in or out, but with the bathroom light on, they’d be able to see me moving around. Granted, they’d have to be on the roof, but I figured that’d be a piece of cake for a vampire. If a bad vampire was out there, he could bust through the glass and get me before Zeke even woke up.

  I’d worked myself into a state of panic so intense I couldn’t move to get up from the toilet when I heard Zeke’s deep, soothing voice. “I’m outside the bathroom, Teeny. I can come in if you need me to.”

  Just like that, I was okay. He’d known I was afraid and woke up. Vampires weren’t going to get me in his house.

  “Thanks, but knowing you’re close helps. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “Why don’t you leave your underwear off when you come back to bed? My shirt comes past your knees, you’ll be covered.”

  I froze as I considered the request. Did he want to finally fool around this morning? I eyed my backpack beside the sink and was glad it was in here so I could brush my teeth.

  He pulled me into his arms when I opened the door. “You’re safe in this house, Destiny. You’re safe when you’re with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He walked us back to bed, but I was awkward as I got in.

  He didn’t say anything about me brushing my teeth, he didn’t ask if I’d taken my panties off, he just situated me on my back, him on his side, and a shudder travelled through my body as he leaned in and kissed me.

  I remember thinking he didn’t have morning breath even though he hadn’t brushed his teeth, but as soon as the thought skittered through my mind, all thoughts were history as I experienced my first real kiss. I’ve been kissed before, but never like this. His warm, strong lips teased mine until I kissed him back, like an erotic little dance, but with our lips instead of our feet and legs. Heat travelled through every nerve-ending in my body when he finally kissed my mouth open. I didn’t know what to do with my tongue as his entered, but I couldn’t breathe, either, because it felt like all the blood in my body went between my legs — except for a little that went to my nipples.

  My hand rose and touched the side of his head before I realized it, but it felt right so I pulled him closer, even though he was already about as close as he could be.

  His hand moved down my side and paused at my ribcage. I gasped when his thumb moved back and forth over my nipple, and my heart stuttered as he intensified the kiss. His tongue in my mouth made me want other parts of his body in other parts of my body, and my hips moved of their own volition.

  I was a little embarrassed at the way my body was reacting, but he made a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl, and I realized he liked the way I moved.

  His hand moved lower, and lower. Slow. So slow. Finally, his hand slid off the shirt and touched my knee. It paused a brief second, and my back arched as his hand moved back up the side of my leg, pushing the shirt up so his large, warm hand kept contact with my skin. As he got to my thigh, his hand moved on top of it, and when he went higher, it was between my legs.

  I gasped, wanting him to keep going, and yet my body went tense, but I didn’t shrink away.

  His breath tickled my cheek as he kissed it and then put his mouth to my ear. “Baby steps, Teeny. Let’s play around a little this morning. No sex yet — not until you’re ready, but I have so much I can show you before we decide how far we should go.”

  “You wouldn’t have known I got anxious all of a sudden if you couldn’t smell it. Can we maybe ignore me being nervous?”

  “No. This has to be good for both of us, and if I know you’re uptight I’ll do what I can to fix it.” His hand touched between my legs and he pushed the lips together, over the little flap of skin they call a clit on the porn I’ve watched.

  My breath caught as I realized why this little area’s such a big deal. I moaned without meaning to, and my legs opened wider to give him better access. I’ve been taught all my life that only my husband can see me naked, and only my husband can touch my private places. I’d been horrified when the vampires had touched me, because they were taking that right away from my future husband. I thought they were sullying me.

  Now, I didn’t care about any of that. Zeke cared about me, and I was pretty sure I’d been in love with him since he’d held my hand in the emergency room and refused to leave my side.

  My eyes flew open and my pulse raced even faster when he slid a finger inside me, and as our eyes met it once again felt as if I fell into his gaze. My mouth opened in a silent O, and his blue eyes held me as his finger moved inside me. Several strokes, and he touched a place in me that made my entire body go slack, and I made a deep noise way down in my chest I hadn’t known I was capable of making.

  I don’t know how long his finger moved over the spot before my world went wonky. Maybe a minute, maybe five minutes. Time ceased to exist as he kissed me again while his finger stroked me from the inside until finally I was making all kinds of high and low-pitched noises because so much sensation was happening in my entire body, I couldn’t contain all the feelings. I know some people have described it as fireworks, and I can understand why, but it wasn’t fireworks for me. It was more like an atomic bomb, or a meteor landing in the ocean and moving the Earth, or something messing with the space-time continuum. It was so much bigger than fireworks, and when it was over and I tried to catch my breath, Zeke held my gaze as he lifted his finger to his lips and put it inside as if my taste was the best thing he’d ever had in his mouth.

  If he’d done anything else, I think I’d have been embarrassed, or shy — but his brash enjoyment of me on his finger somehow made everything easier.

  When I could finally speak again, I told him, “You look terribly smug, but I can’t fault you for it. I had no idea it’d be like that.”

  I’d seen people orgasming on the porn I’d watched, but my new theory was that they’d had a pretend orgasm because I’m pretty sure they didn’t experience anything close to what I’d just felt.

  He kissed my forehead again but didn’t say anything, and I asked, “Aren’t I supposed to do something for you, now?”

  “We aren’t keeping score, and it’ll be normal for me to give you lots of orgasms to my one or two. If you want to see me, or touch me, I don’t have a problem with it, but only when you’re ready.”

  “Will you help me?” I took a breath and admitted, “I’ve watched some porn online. I think I know a little about what to do, but I’ve never seen one in real life.”

  “Have you ever played with yourself?”

  My face flamed hot and he gave me a gentle smile. “I masturbated all the time as a teen. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I could never get myself… it didn’t work. I found all my parts, and, and…” I took a breath, closed my
eyes to hide from his gaze, but then determined I’d look him in the eyes and answer his question even if I died of embarrassment. “I touched… everything, but it never made me… my hips never wanted to move like they did when you touched me.”

  The cocky smile was back, and I rolled my eyes but asked, “Will you show me what you like?”

  He stood beside the bed and pulled his boxers down, and I inhaled as I saw how big he was. No way was that going to fit. He’d used a single finger in me and it’d felt big.

  “Please don’t be afraid of me, Teeny. I’ll make it good for you, but that’s later. Right now you’re just going to explore me.” He crawled back into bed, on top of the sheets and blanket with his penis touching the angles and planes of his abdominal muscles.

  He put my hand on his thigh and slid it up until it was beside his beautiful — but much too large — penis.

  “Be gentle with the balls and the head, but you can touch anywhere you want.”

  I hesitantly lifted my hand and poked it near the base, and he chuckled. “It won’t bite you, Destiny. Here.” He wrapped his hand around mine, and put our hands over the top of his penis and curled my fingers around it. “Think about simulating the sex act. So, we’ll hold it like this, and then move our hands up and down.”

  He let go of my hand and reached into his nightstand drawer.

  “Why do you have coconut oil in here?” I asked when I saw the jar.