Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) Read online

  I heard Dozer come in to see what was going on, and I remember him calling for Duke.

  When I lost it, they always called Duke. I hadn’t lost it in so long I couldn’t remember the last time, though.

  I had kids. I didn’t even know my children’s names. I punched the wall again. And again. I needed to go to the woods and change, needed to run. Needed to meet my children. Needed to make someone pay for this. Needed to protect my children. No, I couldn’t protect children. I’m a terrible father who puts his children in danger. I should stay away from these kids, who looked so happy and healthy.

  Duke’s voice was calming and centering as he said, “You’re scaring your children’s aunt, Gonzo. She’s a strong one, though. She’s still here.”

  I shook my head as I stepped sideways and struck the wall again. There was a storage area on the other side of the wall and I’d decimated the heavy paneling until you could see through the joists into the storage room.

  The warmth of his hand on my shoulder finally made me pause, and I looked at my fist. It was a bloody mess but I didn’t want to change to heal it. I hurt inside — it was only fitting I hurt outside, too.

  I met his gaze for several long seconds, and turned to the woman. “Why’d you stay?”

  “You were hitting the wall. Not me. It’s good to see you have friends who care for you.”

  “What are their names?”

  She took a few steps closer to me and around the table, so nothing was between us. “If you’d reacted with anger I would’ve left and you’d have never found us, but the emotion I saw in your eyes? Grief made you hit the wall, not anger. I don’t understand the grief but it isn’t in me to make it worse. They’re fraternal twins, named Declan and Chloe.”

  If they were my children they were most likely werewolves. Those born into it don’t turn until puberty, so that wouldn’t be an issue, and it wasn’t a sure thing, but… “Are they afraid of the dark like most children, or can they see even with the lights off, so the dark doesn’t bother them?”

  “How did you know?” Her voice was quiet, as if my words had struck her emotionally as well.

  “’Cause I have good night vision.”

  She looked at the wall I’d practically destroyed, and back to me. “Maybe it’s better we did this here, after all, where your friends were close.” No one said anything and she met my gaze with the look of a mamma bear. “The twins are four and their mother has been dead a year and a half, but I’ve taken care of them for nearly three years. I was the responsible one who got them to daycare at first, and now to preschool. I’m the one who cooks, cleans their clothes, and sings silly songs with them. If you want to be part of their life then great, but I’m not asking you for anything.”

  “You’ve known about me for a year and a half?”

  She shrugged. “She said you were a biker she met in Atlanta. I assumed it was better they didn’t meet you, until I saw your club on the news donating items to charity. You were all arrested and treated horribly by the police, and all because you’d brought in toys so you could distribute them to the needy. It made me feel ashamed of my initial instincts. Also, she’d left a picture of you with her will, since she only knew your biker name, and I recognized you as one of the men.” She touched her arm. “I saw your tattoo on the news, and then went online to look again and match you with the picture she’d left of you. Once I knew you were here, I started feeling guilty about you not knowing you had kids. Some men might not want to know, but others….” She shrugged again and then jumped when her phone rang.

  Her gaze stayed on me as she answered with, “I’m fine, dad. Did the kids go down for you okay?”

  Our werewolf hearing let us all hear both sides of the conversation, and my heart broke when he said, “I had to read them five stories before they finally fell asleep. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Big bad Marine Sergeant who gets bossed around by four year olds. I’m fine, dad.”

  “You’re asking for trouble.”

  “I’m doing what’s right.”

  He sighed. “One child who did no right, another who can do no wrong. Just don’t go and get yourself killed doing right.”

  “Sandy did right sometimes.”

  “Not nearly enough. If I don’t hear from you every thirty minutes I’m calling you, and I want you to turn on your phone tracker thing, so I know where you are.”

  “Okay, but I’m inside where there aren’t windows, so it won’t pick up until I leave.”

  “I know where you are now, just need to know if you go somewhere else.”

  “I love you, dad.”

  “Love you, too. Wish you were still young enough I could tan your hide.”

  She pushed buttons on her phone a few seconds and put it back into her purse. “Told you my dad would be calling soon.”

  “Can I see them tomorrow? Take the three of you to breakfast, maybe?”

  “I took off this week for spring break, so yeah, I can do that on a Friday. My dad will want to come, too, and I’m not sure breakfast is a good idea. Maybe you can meet us at a playground?”

  “Where and when?”

  “The Riverpark at eleven, near the playground?”

  “I’ll be there. What will you tell them about me?”

  “What do you want me to tell them?”

  “That I’m their father.”

  “They’ve been told we don’t know who their daddy is.”

  “Well then you can tell them it bothered you that they didn’t know, so you found me. You didn’t tell them you were looking because you didn’t want them to be sad if you didn’t find me.” She didn’t argue and I asked, “Are they okay? The drugs Sandy did before she stopped…”

  “Thankfully, most babies exposed to cocaine in utero have no lasting damage. Plus, she stopped early so they weren’t addicted when they were born. The twins have been healthy from the beginning.” She tilted her head. “You’d love them no matter, though, wouldn’t you?”

  I nodded and looked away, and she said, “I should get home. I’ll ask you not to bring a lot of people with you tomorrow because it could be overwhelming for the twins, but if you need to bring a few friends, please do.”

  “I’ll walk you out and have someone follow you until you get out of the downtown area, to make sure you’re safe,” Duke told her. He turned to me. “Wash your hand and see to it. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  I knew he’d get her license plate number as well as the make and model of her car. Knowing him, he might even have someone else follow her as far as possible without drawing attention to themselves. Duke always has my back.

  Chapter 2

  Gonzo

  I didn’t get up right away when the alarm sounded. I’d only had a few hours’ sleep and my mind was still going a million miles a minute.

  I hadn’t been a biker when I’d been a father before. I’d been a skip tracer, so I still wasn’t a suit and tie kind of guy, but I hadn’t been a long-haired, bearded biker.

  What would my kids think of me?

  Fuck, I hadn’t cared what anyone thought of me since my life had fallen apart. I’d never intended to let anyone or anything close enough to hurt me again. Brain and Duke had gotten through, and then the other brothers, but I’d kept it to them. The MC was my family now, and this family would shoot back if someone pulled a gun on them.

  And now I was head-over-heels crazy over two little people I’d only seen one picture of, and I cared whether their aunt lived or died because she’d become their mother figure. Three people I didn’t even know, and I’d kill for them.

  I walked into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror, and didn’t like what I saw — a man who didn’t give a fuck.

  I went to the kitchen junk drawer, found some scissors, and returned to the bathroom to try to at least even my beard up. I pulled my wild hair into a ponytail and looked for jeans with no rips or tears. The first shirt I found said, “Blah, Blah, Blah. Go the fuck away.” The next
said, “Fuck with me and I fuck back.” I finally found a black tee with no writing on it, and sat to lace my boots.

  I’d get to the park before them so they didn’t see me riding up on a loud Harley. I didn’t know if my kids would be impressed or scared, and I wasn’t taking a chance on the latter.

  I heard Brain’s bike coming from miles away, and I was waiting for them outside when they pulled into my driveway.

  Harmony pulled her helmet off as she walked toward me, and grabbed me in a full hug. She held me tight as she said, “You’re alive again, Gonzo. I’m so happy to see you like this.”

  She backed away and I said, “Wasn’t dead.”

  “Yeah, you kinda were, but that’s okay. I spent some time being emotionally dead, too. You weren’t really alive, just kind of pretending to be.”

  I turned toward my bike as I put my helmet on. “Put yours back on. I’d like to get there before them.”

  “This isn’t a war,” said Brain. “Holding territory first isn’t going to matter today.”

  “Her dad’s a Marine and he’ll be there. I need every advantage I can muster.”

  Brain nodded. “We’ll follow you.”

  A million thoughts went through my mind as we rode. I remembered the busted condom, knew it was possible I’d gotten her pregnant. Plus, the kids looked like me — and Clara and Nicky — and apparently can see in the dark.

  The question that kept going through my mind was why she’d only had sex with me. She’d written my name down. She’d known it was me. She’d just been another piece of ass to me, but had she felt something for me? Did it matter?

  I’d gone to Horse’s property to change and run last night, and then gone home and driven myself crazy with questions the rest of the night. About three this morning I’d hit a tree in my back yard until my knuckles looked like she would expect them to look, and then I’d driven to WalMart and looked through the toy department until I found things I thought four year olds might enjoy. I bought five water guns in various garish colors, a big ball we could roll to each other on the grass, and a smaller one in case they could handle tossing one back and forth. I didn’t want to risk pissing the aunt off if she didn’t allow candy, so I bought grapes, raisins, oranges, and plums. It’s a bitch to not know what your own children might want to eat.

  Brain had done some research for me and I now knew where she lived, and that her father wasn’t just a Sergeant in the Marines but the Sergeant Major of the Marines. She is, indeed, a research scientist for a pharmaceutical company, but they’re headquartered in New York and don’t seem to have offices in Chattanooga.

  At any rate, she had substantial college funds started for them already, and had them in a preschool that feeds into one of the local elite private schools. She’d gone to Stanford on a full scholarship and had graduated with honors, so it was clear education was important to her.

  One sister was a super-success and the other a dismal failure.

  And now I was riding my bad-ass motorcycle through town with a big green sparkly plastic ball strapped to the back.

  I’d loved Clara and Nicky with all my heart, and it’d destroyed me when they were so viciously taken from me.

  I’d been a good father. Even after my wife died of cancer, I’d taken care of my kids and kept them as happy as possible. We’d worked through much of the pain and grief of losing their mother before I met the homicidal bitch who killed them. If only I hadn’t felt the need to find someone else to share my life with.

  Well, I wouldn’t make that mistake again, but I could be a father to my children. I may have been cheated out of their infant and toddler years, but I could damned well be present for the rest.

  My mind floated back to Sandy. She’d been friends with some of the chicks who have permanent invites to our parties, and had come with them maybe eight or ten times. She always seemed to gravitate to me, but I’d never known her last name, never asked for her phone number. Hell, even her first name hadn’t stuck in my head.

  We pulled into the park before I realized we should be there, and I unstrapped the ball and backpack, and unloaded my saddlebags.

  I set up about twenty yards from the playground, on a stretch of grass without anyone else near. Harmony helped me stretch the blankets out, and then she looked through my bags at what I’d brought as she asked, “Do you have a game plan?”

  I shook my head. “Game plans are pointless with kids you don’t know. I’ve given myself options — offer them food, ask if they want to play with one of the balls, or see if they want me and their aunt to walk them to the playground equipment. I don’t even know if they can swing by themselves or if they still need to be pushed, so I can’t offer to push them.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” she said, her eyes sad. “It might be awkward at first, but give it time, okay?”

  I nodded, and then my heart skipped into high speed as I caught a familiar scent, and then saw a woman and man leaned into the backseat of a Volvo helping two children out of either car seats or booster seats.

  And I made a mental note to go buy a safe car with a backseat, so I’d be able to drive my children places.

  Both kids wanted Gramps, and he carried Chloe while he held Declan’s hand as they walked across the parking lot.

  I refused to call their aunt Constance — the name pissed me off just thinking it, so I decided she’d be Connie. She carried a large picnic basket, and she wore a flowing skirt with a blouse.

  Chloe got bashful as they neared, and held tighter to her grandfather. Declan’s hand squeezed harder but I could tell he was trying to be brave.

  I’d walked a dozen steps from the blanket, where Brain and Harmony were sitting, and I went to one knee so I’d be on Declan’s level.

  “Hello Declan, it’s very nice to meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve always wanted a daddy.”

  “If I’d known about you, I’d have been there, buddy.” I looked up. “Chloe, do you think you’re brave enough to come down and talk to us?”

  “Why do you have that stuff on your face?”

  “It’s my beard. Have you seen your gramps shave his face?”

  She nodded, and I said, “Well I don’t do that, so the hair on my face is long.”

  She squirmed and pushed away, and her grandfather leaned forward and set her down gently.

  “Thank you, Sir,” I told him, wanting him to understand I appreciated his role in their lives.

  He nodded but didn’t say anything, though I could smell the disapproval coming off him. I’d been part of the fuck-up daughter’s life, so how could I be anything but a fuck-up, too? I couldn’t deal with him right now, though.

  Right now, I was meeting my children.

  “Can I touch it?” Chloe asked.

  My heart felt as if it split in two as I told her, “I would love for you to touch it.”

  I put the other leg down and sat back on my heels to give them better access. Declan touched it also, so I had two tiny little tentative hands on either side of my chin, and I sat very still.

  “Why don’t you shave like Gramps?” asked Declan.

  “Because if I did, I wouldn’t have my beard. I brought a ball, would you like to play with it, or would you rather play on the playground?”

  They looked at each other, then back to me, and said, “Playground,” at the exact same time.

  I looked up to Connie and she laughed. “Get used to it. I think it’s a twin thing. They do it a lot.”

  “Brain and Harmony are keeping watch over my blanket. I’ve brought some fruit, and it looks like you brought food, too. If you want to set your basket there, it’ll be safe.”

  Brain almost always looks like a biker, but when he wants to look like something else, he can. Today, he stood and was the perfect gentlemen as he made small talk with Connie and her father. Despite their jeans, tees, and heavy boots, Brain and Harmony didn’t look like a biker and his ol’lady, and for the first time, I appreciated it.
>
  I’m never ashamed of my friends, or of who I am. The RTMC took me in when I had nowhere to go, when I’d contemplated turning wolf and not coming back to human. Harmony may have thought I’d been dead, but she hadn’t seen me before the RTMC showed me how to live again.

  Chapter 3

  Constance

  I didn’t know what to think of Gonzo. I’d been prepared to go into the bar last night and watch him, and then leave without telling him… but I’d seen something when he’d rescued the drunk girls from obvious predators. I know it’s his job, but I saw a guardian under the rough biker exterior. A protector.

  I wondered most of the night if I wasn’t romanticizing what I saw, and if it was possible I’d made a huge mistake by bringing this man into our lives. Watching him go to his knees to talk to the kids eased the fist around my heart, and then when I found out he’d brought food and toys, I wanted to hug him.

  I’d wanted to hug him last night, too. This burly, gruff biker who cried when he was shown a picture of his children. I worried I’d broken something inside him last night, but he seemed better today.

  My father was certain this was a mistake, and I could tell he’d decided he didn’t like Gonzo before he even met him, which meant the man never had a chance.

  I looked at my father now. “Dad, why don’t you sit with Brain and Harmony while we watch the kids?”

  “I don’t get to see them much,” he protested.

  “Thirty minutes won’t kill you. We’ll be back soon.”

  The twins took off ahead of us, one raced up a rope ladder while the other dashed up a small climbing wall, and they met in the fort at the top. Declan went across the monkey bars with his sister close behind, they dropped when they got to the end, and then raced back to do it again, though they went down the spiral the next time.

  “They’re fast, and strong,” Gonzo commented.